Q. One of our five children is like a foreigner in our midst. We like to camp out and play volleyball; he would rather bring a book and read, or go walking with a friend. It’s so frustrating!

A. It can be frustrating for the whole family when one family member is very different from the others. A child can feel like a misfitwhenever there is a marked difference between his/her individual attributes (e.g., brain lead, extroversion/introversion ratio, sensory system preference) as compared to those of the parents or siblings.

For instance, a child who is a harmonizer may prefer activities that utilize small-muscle movements rather than those that utilize large muscles. One who possesses a high level of introversion (very alert brain) will often prefer more solitary activities such as reading, or taking walks with one close friend. This type of individual might find playing volleyball with a group too overwhelming, especially if there is an emphasis on competition/winning.

Encourage participation in family activities in smaller doses and provide opportunity for less stimulating activities. Honor your child’s innate preferences, even as you provide opportunities for him to build competencies in areas you find rewarding. Chances are that tasks you find frustrating may be like falling off a log for him. Above all, look for ways to reward his innate giftedness. Some day you may be very glad you did!