Q. This is my second marriage and just found out that my husband has been cheating on me with a single friend of mine. I am devastated. Why do people cheat?

A. It would take pages to list all the reasons individuals choose to cheat on their partner. Here are a few “bottom lines.”

Cheating is a choice. When temptation arises, the cheaters do not resist because they are drunk or fail to access willpower or care more about their own self-gratification than how this will impact their partner or their relationship.

Males may choose to cheat and justify it because they believe their sexual needs are not being met. Females may choose to cheat and justify it because their emotional needs are not being met.

Individuals who have cheated in a previous relationship(s) are three times more likely to cheat in their next relationship(s).

A neurotic partner with low self-esteem or low conscientiousness is predictably more likely to cheat. So are individuals who have a narcissistic personality disorder or who are dissatisfied with or feel detached from their partner or who nurture their “roving eye,” believing that the grass is always greener somewhere else.

The partner who is being cheated on may separate or divorce, which may increase their life satisfaction in the end but also involve emotional pain and suffering for some period of time that requires healing. The partner who did the cheating sometimes regrets the outcome when the cheating is discovered and begs for forgiveness. Forgiving the person is one thing; ever trusting them again is another.