Q. Do you have any words of wisdom about relationships?

A. Here are a few things I have learned:

• You tend to be attracted to others who are at a similar level of emotional maturity, self-esteem, and actualization. The more personal and spiritual growth you experience, the more likely that you will be attracted by/be attractive to individuals who mirror that growth.
• You always have options when dealing with relationships. Stay alert to those options even when you need to select one that wasn’t your initial preference. This can help keep you out of crisis situations. (I define a crisis as a sense of overwhelm due to a perception of no options or very limited options).
• You don’t always consciously select who your brain chooses to love. You do have the conscious responsibility to choose how you respond to that situation and the long-term actions you take related to the individual. I sometimes remind people who say, “But I love him/her!” that you may love a cute little baby skunk very much but you may decide to avoid bringing it into your home on a daily basis.
• You may want to choose an overall goal for your relationships. For example, purpose that the individuals whose lives you touch will be better off for having come in contact with you, will feel better about themselves, and be affirmed in some way. My grandmother used to say, “You get our owing back.” As you affirm others, you are often affirmed.