Q. A friend of mine overheard you remark, “Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” Whatever do you mean by that comment?

A. The wording of your question suggests that your brain may have a different opinion about the concept of “forgiveness.” For purposes of discussion, let’s agree that a state of anger is opposite from a state of forgiveness.

When you are angry at someone else, usually because their behaviors have impacted you in a negative way, the levels of specific chemicals in your brain and body are altered (e.g., levels of adrenalin increase). As adrenalin levels increase, so do levels of dopamine, the feel-good chemical. Over time this can lead to an increased risk of your becoming addicted to your own body substances (e.g., adrenalin and dopamine) that rise when you allow yourself to be in a state of anger.

If you continue to harbor anger, other chemicals in your body are altered, as well. Cortisol, for example. High levels of this substance can suppress immune system function and can actually “catabolize” or break down some of your body’s own cells/tissue.

When you “forgive” the individual who has wronged you, I describe it like this:

• You recognize that an injustice was done to you, but you give up the right to have the other person punished for that injustice
• You begin to release the “pain” from the injustice, even though you may still recall the facts
• You avoid some of the wear and tear to your brain and body that can occur when chemicals are out of balance or when cortisol rises
• You may even become more empathetic toward yourself and/or toward others who have experienced a similar injustice

Now, assuming you do not take overt action against the individual with whom you are angry and injure them in some way or another, who receives the greatest negative impact from your continued anger, resentment, or bitterness? You or the other person? You, of course.

That’s what I mean by saying, “forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.” You do not become a victim or an offender, a doormat, or a less aware individual. And a state of forgiveness certainly is not a Pollyanna response to life. It recognizes “when bad things happen to good people.” However, forgiveness minimizes additional negative consequences to your brain and body. You actually take better care of yourself, implementing and living appropriate personal boundaries. In fact, I think of forgiveness as the quintessential example of living the 20:80 Rule. This can result in higher levels of health and wellness.