Q. I am in love and I believe the object of my love loves me in return. But this relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere and that is frustrating. What can I do to advance this relationship?

A. Love can be a wonderful thing and it also can be somewhat frustrating—especially if the individuals involved are not on the same page. In this case, you each may have different expectations for this relationship. So often human beings “see” potential and possibilities in another person and fall in love with that, without also “seeing” where that person is in his or her mental and emotional development. If you are satisfied with just loving and being loved by an individual, so be it. If, however, you want more (such as a permanent lifetime relationship that includes marriage and children…) it may be impossible with this specific individual. That can set you up for a lifetime of longing, frustration and disappointment. Avoid expecting from another person something that for whatever reason, that individual is incapable of giving.

On the other hand, depending how long you have been dating, have you had an honest discussion about what each of you “want” and “expect” from this relationship? Guessing what another person wants or expecting he or she wants what you want, is not very emotionally intelligent. In a sense, marriage is a “business,” and potential business partners need to lay the cards on the table and decide if they even want to be in business together and, if so, what is that going to look like. And then they write it up in a contract. That’s a good metaphor for a “marriage” discussion and for a “marriage contract,” written or verbal. Pre-nuptial agreements would be one example of a marriage contract—where both parties outline exactly what they want to have happen if such-and-such were to occur.

But back to your question, recently I read the following quote:

“Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons, you must leave. Because you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.” —Nayyirah Waheed