Change blindness refers to the frequent inability of your visual system to detect alterations to something staring you right in the face. Since far more information lands on your eyes than you can possibly analyze, the brain screens visual stimuli using bottom-up or top-down attentiveness. Bottom-up (e.g., wildly waving hand) can get your attention because it sticks out. Top-down is a volitional act where you turn your “spotlight” of attention toward something specific (e.g., finding your suitcase on an airline baggage carousel). (Angier, Natalie. Blind to Change, Even as It Stares Us in the Face. April 2008.)

Before attempting to change a relationship, define what you really want (as compared to what you think you want). The less you need the other person to be a specific way in order to reduce your own insecurities, the more easily he/she can change, because there is minimal resistance or threat from you. (Goldberg, Herb, PhD. The New Male-Female Relationship. p 168-170. NY: Signet Books, 1983.)

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