Choosing not to forgive offers you some illusions or payoffs. For example, the illusion that if such-and-such hadn’t happened you’d have a perfect life. Forgiveness is actually an internal process, a by-product of an ongoing healing process. It is letting go of the intense emotions attached to negative events in the past, recognizing that you no longer need your anger and self-pity, accepting that nothing you do to punish others will heal you, no longer wanting to punish those who hurt you, freeing up and putting to better use the energy that was formerly consumed by holding grudges. It is moving on, something you do for YOU. (Simon, Sidney B., PhD, and Suzanne Simon. Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life. p 14, 18-20. MA: Grand Central Publishing, 1991.)

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