As long as we wish things had been different with our parents, we continue to blame them for the hurts we think we have suffered in life. We cannot be free as long as we are imprisoning ourselves and our parents with our grievances. It is only through forgiveness that we can experience our own freedom and theirs as well. (Jampolsky, Gerald G., MD. Out of Darkness Into the Light. p 158-160 NY: Bantam Books, 1989)

A child learns to blame by being criticized. Of course he wants to shift the blame onto someone or something else. Blaming others or external circumstances for one’s behavior is an attempt to divert the pain. You blame to reduce the critical guilt messages, you blame when you are afraid to accept yourself as imperfect, you blame in an attempt to try and discharge discomfort and pain. (Viscott, David, MD. Emotional Resilience. p 184-185, 210. NY: Crown Publishing Group, 1996.)

When we blame ourselves, we feel guilty and ashamed. When we hold on to blaming someone else, we experience resentment. The damage persists long after the situation has passed. (Borysenko, Joan, PhD. Minding the Body, Mending the Mind. p 168-170. NY: A Bantam Book, 1988.)

If you blame others, you fear being imperfect. Refusing to accept blame for your actions is an indication that you’re afraid to appear weak or flawed. (Viscott, David, MD. Emotional Resilience. p 59-60. NY: Crown Publishing Group, 1996.)

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