©Arlene R. Taylor, PhD    www.ArleneTaylor.org

]Lyria was life-threateningly over weight. Morbidly obese, actually. There was no other term for it. The scales could register up to 350 pounds and the needle hit the top before she had stepped up with both feet! A delightful woman—barely out of her teens—Lyria had enrolled in the Longevity Lifestyle Matters Program because, as she put it, “I feel sorry for my heart.” She’d heard that the heart had to pump blood through an additional seven miles of blood vessels for every pound of unnecessary fat. “That’s likely in the nature of several thousand miles of unnecessary blood vessels,” she said, wryly. “Doc says my blood pressure is dangerously high, to say nothing of making it almost impossible for me to go anywhere without being pushed in a wheelchair.” Tongue in cheek she joked she was in good company, at least in terms of numbers. They are high, the numbers. Over 2.1 billion people—nearly one-third of the world’s population—are either obese or overweight, according to a new, first-of-its kind analysis of trend data from 188 countries.

It didn’t take long to discover that Lyria did not understand the difference between a sensation of physical hunger and thirst or of a core emotion, for that matter. Consequently, she ate when she felt hungry, thirsty, happy, mad, anxious, sad, or you name it. When she was asked, “How do you feel right now?” her response was, “I feel hungry for pie.” It took a while for Lyria to comprehend that “hungry for pie” was not a feeling! In her case, “hungry for pie” was an indication that she used food to trigger her brain reward system. The dopamine that was released made her feel “better” for a short period of time, and then she would need to eat again.

Bottom line, Lyria exhibited addictive behaviors around food. It was her drug of choice—especially the fat, sugar, white flour, and other simply carbohydrates contained in the pie. No matter the flavor: pecan, lemon, pistachio, banana coconut, key lime, pumpkin, cherry, berry, rhubarb, apple, Boston Cream—just as long as there were a pair of pies. If Lyria ate any, she ate two. Pies, not slices!

When Lyria reviewed the Yale top addictive-like foods, she checked off all of them.

Lyria mumbled to herself through much of each meal. “Are you saying grace or complaining?” one of the program participants asked.

“Neither,” Lyria replied, chuckling. “I’m telling myself: I don’t want to eat two pies today. I don’t even want to think about two pies!”

Lyria’s self-talk was unhelpful. When I asked her what picture she saw in her mind’s eye after repeating those phrases, she answered, “Duh! Two pies.”

That was no surprise. The brain tends to think in pictures. However, it is relatively easy for the brain to miss the word don’t. This is especially true of the subconscious brain layers; the reptilian or 1st brain layer (the brain stem and cerebellum), the mammalian or 2nd brain layer (portions of the limbic system), and around 80 percent of the neocortex or 3rd brain layer.

“You just gave your brain a map to follow: two pies,” I explained. “What could you do to reverse that mental picture?” Lyria had not a clue.

In truth, it’s not really possible to follow an open-ended negative instruction such as, “I don’t want to eat two pies,” or “Don’t think about two pies.” Even if you stumble on a strategy that endeavors to replace the picture of two pies with something else, you will always come back to thinking about the two pies, if only to remind yourself that you’re supposed to be thinking about something else!

The subconscious brain readily understands positives. The brain processes negatives (the reverse of an idea) much less effectively. Unfortunately, growing up most people heard seven to nine negative comments for every positive one. Those from quite dysfunctional families typically heard thirty or forty negative comments for every positive comment or instruction.

When the brain hears the words “Don’t touch the stove,” it initially creates a picture of touching the stove. If it picks up on the word “don’t” then it must try to create a different picture, one related to the reverse of the first idea. This is a two-step process and difficult for an adult brain to accomplish—almost impossible for a child’s brain!

It is usually much more effective to say, “Keep your hands away from the stove.” That is a one-step process as the brain’s initial picture is of the hands being held away from the stove. It is clearer and takes less time and energy, since the brain doesn’t have to try creating a reverse picture.

Think back to your childhood. What did you hear? If you heard, “Don’t do this, don’t do that, you can’t do this, you shouldn’t do that,” your brain is likely filled with negative self-talk recordings.

Given that Lyria wanted to start living a Longevity Lifestyle, it was important that she get her “mindset” in hand. The brain can only do what it thinks it can do and Lyria needed to tell her brain what she wanted it to help her do. Instead of thinking helpless and hopeless thoughts, Lyria began seeing in her mind’s eye what she would look like when she reached her desired weight range. That gave her subconscious a “picture” to follow. The reptilian layer (think frogs!) and mammalian layer (all mammals) do not use language per se but they can follow the mental pictures that are created in the neocortex by language.

Secondly, Lyria also needed to get her “self-talk” on board. That meant she needed to change not only her thoughts but what she said to herself. Affirmation is the programming language of the brain. Stop talking about what you do not want to have happen and only talk about what you want to have happen. Lyria wrote down several phrases and repeated them several times a day using the new research-based self-talk style. Use your first name so your brain knows for sure who you are talking about. Use short, positive, present-tense phrases and sentences, and speak as if it is already happening.

For example:

• Lyria, you drink a glass of water 30 minutes before you eat.
• Lyria, you drink enough water to give you one or two pale urines a day.
• Lyria, you only have in the house the food you choose to eat.
• Lyria, you are enjoying living a Longevity Lifestyle.
• Lyria, you are eating fresh fruit and love it.

I emphasized that affirmations must be followed by practical application. Saying “You drink a glass of water 30 minutes before you eat” is one thing. In order to build pathways in the subconscious so eventually this behavior becomes automatic requires the repetitive “doing” of what you are “saying.”

Lyria wanted to know the reason for speaking in the present tense as if what you want the brain to help you accomplish is already happening. Simple. The brain tends to get in gear to help you only when it perceives that right now is the time. When you speak in a future tense, the brain tends to think, “When the future comes I’ll help you. But if the past is any indication, by next week you’ll have forgotten all about it. Just think how much time and energy I’ll save.” And indeed, since you’re speaking in a future tense, you never arrive at that future point, so to speak. On the other hand, when you use present-tense words and phrases the brain thinks, “Wow! I better get with the program!”

Is using an affirming communication style a simple concept? Absolutely!

It is easy to change a life-time of self-talk patterns? No!

And it can be done. Lyria did it.

Several months later when she returned for an alumni program, she could actually step onto the program scales without the needle hitting the maximum! Not only that, her blood pressure readings had dropped significantly as had her cholesterol levels—and she could actually walk around the block on her own two feet!

When it was Lyria’s turn to recount her journey toward better health, over a hundred program attendees listened intently. It was obvious that life had already vastly improved. She concluded her short presentation with these words: “There have been times when I opened my mouth to say something and could not think of a single way in which to state my thoughts in a positive style. But practice helps. I am not biting my tongue nearly as frequently as this new communication style is becoming easier and easier. In addition, I am following my words with actions to build software in my subconscious. Do I wish I could have learned this earlier in life—when I was five instead of twenty-five? Definitely. But, better late than never!”

Hey, at twenty-five she was half-a-century ahead of some of the other program attendees!

Life does go better with an affirming communication style. Gradually, you begin to speak to others in the style you are using with yourself, which tends to increase cooperation and compliance.

Does it prevent all problems? Of course not! It does give your brain a one-step picture to follow, however. I call it the “Affirmation Advantage,” and it can be used in any area of life.

As Lyria said, better late than never. And there’s no time like the present to get started!

www.LongevityLifestyleMatters.com

I watched her, alone on the front steps. The service had just concluded, and it was obvious to my eleven-year-old eyes that she was a visitor. One after another, attendees walked right past as if they didn’t see her. How they could have done so was beyond me. Admittedly I’m not very “visual” in terms of sensory preference. I am “frontal right,” however, and do tend to notice differences and when something changes.

This woman was a vision of color. Mismatched color! She wore a shocking orange dress (at least two sizes too small); shoes, an off-shade of bright red; hair, something in between. In my teenage years the term was “not well put together.” I was busy being so amazed at the package that it took me a while to realize that her body language radiated discomfort.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mother moving toward the woman. As the minister’s wife, my mother’s practice was to seek out individuals who were visitors or who didn’t seem to fit in. She had a knack for saying appropriate words and gracious way of making them welcome.

I chuckled inwardly and thought to myself, I bet this one stumps her!

I was wrong. “I’m so glad you could be here today,” my mother said, adding, “in this light your hair is absolutely alive with sunbeams!”

The woman literally sighed with relief. “I didn’t expect to be in town this long,”she explained, “so I brought no dress clothes. When my visit lasted over the weekend, I borrowed some so I could come today.”

Oops! She wanted to come to church badly enough to borrow clothes, I thought to myself, and was thoroughly ashamed of my earlier assessment.

Later, I asked my mother, How do you always think of something appropriate to say? That’s when she told me about canning compliments.

I knew about canning, of course. You know, the precursor to freezing. If I had a dollar for every piece of vegetable and fruit I’ve stuffed into a Mason jar I’d be rich! But canning compliments? Mother explained that there is always something about which one can affirm another individual. She claimed that it was the fastest way she knew of to help someone feel comfortable. It seems that mother had made a habit of matching a notable attribute with an appropriate accolade, which she then metaphorically canned. “That way,” she explained, “no matter who I meet, I can always open a jar and tailor (no pun was intended, I’m sure) the contents to the occasion.”

Compliments.

According to Webster’s, a compliment is an expression of esteem, respect, affection, honor, or admiration. In some ways, it’s akin to an affirmation. Many don’t know how to give genuine compliments because, as children, they seldom heard them. Or we may have heard them in the form of manipulation or insincere flatter. And those who struggle with self-esteem issues may be reluctant to look for ways to give compliment others. As if recognizing the positives in others somehow diminishes their worth.

It was years later before I fully appreciated the value of my mother’s novel idea. No need to stumble around, searching for appropriate words. Just open a jar and tweak the contents. Contrived, you ask? No more so than planning ahead for nutritious meals in the dead cold of a Canadian winter by preserving the rich harvest in the midst of autumn plenty.

How about your pantry?

Any jars of canned compliments on your shelves?

A drop of salty perspiration rolled lazily down Mrs. Wentworth’s nose and spattered on the wooden handle of her dandelion digger. The red ribbon around the crown of her broad-brimmed hat was frayed, but the matching rose on the band looked surprisingly chipper.

I just must think about the loveliness of this lawn without a single offending dandelion, she told herself determinedly. If I don’t, I won’t last much longer out here in this heat. At that moment, the sound of squealing tires stayed her hand in midair. That must be Paul on his new ten-speed, she mused. Paul, the neighbor’s son, was a great kid. Every cell in his twelve-year-old body was packed with energy. Oh to have his vim and vigor!

Sure enough. Paul zoomed through his garden gate and screeched to a stop on the patio. “Hey, don’t drop those batons!” he called to his younger sisters who were practicing their latest routines. As if on cue, both batons crashed to the ground.

“You did it again,” the twins yelled. “You made us mess up!” Crestfallen, Paul headed for the house. The twins brushed angry tears from their eyes; tears that mingled with the perspiration on their freckled faces.

Mrs. Wentworth called out, “Hi y’all. How about coming over for a frosty bar?” The faces of the girls brightened. Shawna, Sheila, and Paul scrambled toward their neighbor’s shady gazebo.

Tempers soon cooled as they all sat together enjoying the icy refreshments. Mrs. Wentworth broke the companionable silence. “I believe you meant to encourage your sisters,” she said, looking directly at Paul. He nodded, weakly. “And I think that sometimes,” she continued, glancing at the twins, “it seems as though Paul’s help doesn’t help.” They nodded, vigorously.

“Paul,” the woman asked after a moment, “Do you recall what you were thinking the first time you tried to ride your new bike through the garden gate?” The boy smiled wryly. “I was thinking that I didn’t want to hit the gatepost and I ran into it anyway.” Mrs. Wentworth grimaced. It had not been a pretty sight. Paul had pulled splinters from his arm for a week.

“What do you think about now?” she persisted.

“I don’t think I think about anything,” Paul replied.

“We all think all the time,” Mrs. Wentworth said. “We don’t always think about what we are thinking, however.”

Paul chewed on his frosty bar. The twins watched him intently. After a moment’s reflection (a long time for Paul!) he said, “I tell myself to aim for the middle. It works.”

“Of course it works.” Mrs. Wentworth smiled. “It’s one of the laws of the mind.”

“Laws of the mind,” retorted Paul. “I’ve never heard of them. So Mrs. Wentworth explained how the mind creates pictures from our thoughts. Positive pictures can be a powerful force in helping us to achieve positive outcomes. The opposite is true, as well. “When Shawna and Sheila heard, don’t drop your batons, their minds created a picture of the batons falling,” she said. “They then had to imagine the reverse, unsuccessfully as it turned out. It’s much better to create a positive picture to start with.”

“Grab your batons. This time Paul can use positive-talk pictures,” Mrs. Wentworth suggested.

Paul’s face turned into a huge question mark. “Uh, what do I say?” he asked quickly.

“Oh, something like, catch those batons,” his neighbor suggested.

The twins began twirling their batons. Paul took a deep breath. “Okay, nab those batons.” He held his breath. Wonder of wonders, Shawna and Sheila caught the batons, without a hitch, several times.

Paul jumped to his feet. “This is magic! Does this mean they won’t ever drop them again?”

“Heavens no!” said Mrs. Wentworth. “Creating positive pictures doesn’t mean we won’t make mistakes. It does usually help us to make fewer mistakes, however.”

The twins ran back to their patio. “Thanks Paul,” they called back to him.

Paul sat like a statue on the gazebo bench, then he opened his mouth a couple of times, but no sound came out. “What is it, Paul?” Mrs. Wentworth asked.

The boy hesitated another moment and then suggested, “I bet you could teach me how to shoot baskets.”

“As in basketball?” Mrs. Wentworth chuckled. “I’m far too old to play basketball!”

“But you could teach me how to make pictures,” Paul persisted. “I’d like to beat my cousin just once when he comes on vacation later this summer.” His eyes sparkled at the very thought.

Now if there was one thing Mrs. Wentworth enjoyed, it was teaching young people how to make positive pictures. It wouldn’t do to appear too eager, however.

“You have a deal, Paul,” she said finally. “I can begin helping you after school tomorrow.” With a yahoo that could be heard a block away, Paul dashed across the yard toward his house, the back door slapping shut behind him.

Mrs. Wentworth jabbed the digger at a recalcitrant dandelion. There’s every chance, she thought to herself, that Paul can significantly improve his game this summer.

Tomorrow would be fun. She could hardly wait!